"You inspire me"

"You inspire me" is one of the loveliest things to hear anyone say to you. It's almost more wonderful than hearing the person you love say that they love you. Alomost. I have had people say it to me a few times regarding relatively trivial things: Music, fashion. But if some one says it in the deepest sense of the meaning I think I'd feel like I had accomplished all that I could ever wish. I was once some one's muse. That was a rather incredible experience, equal parts moving, flattering and heart breaking. I rest far too much of my self belief and self-worth  on what other people think of me, so having some one find me inspiring, inspiring enough to evoke creativity made me feel beautiful, special, proud and loved. That final feeling was the problem, as the person who loved me enough to paint me did not love me enough to respect me, or stay with me. 


It is a tricky thing negotiating lovce an relationships when your sense of self is as fragile as an egg's shell.

He loved me enough to paint me but not enough to respect me.