Who am I kidding?

I have moved on and I no longer love you, when I am with you I feel happy heart broken longing frustrated safe unloved. I am a strong independent woman. I am a pining puppy being kicked in the head every time it yelps at your ankles for affection. Not kicked, stroked, held, caressed and then returned to the pound. I am a bitch, clearly.

...again. I wish we could be something again. Or do I? This song makes me feel like I do, and being lonely makes me feel like I do. Being in your arms makes me feel like the world would only make sense if that were the case. Logic tells me I don't, logic tells me we already were something, something beautiful, but that we are not those people any more. Logic tells me that you never loved me, and new found self esteem tells me I deserve to be with some one who loves me and who doesn't mock my passions. Some one who would do anything to make me happy and cross oceans to be with me. Some one who wouldn't want to change me. He would want to change me. I am not a tom boy, and I am Okay with that. I like that I am passionate about politics and righting social injustices. I hate that you are not. Your essence is the same and it is your essence that this song sings about and it your essence that I don't think I will ever fall out of love with. 

T O R T U R E

"I wish I was your favourite girl. I wish you thought I was the reason you were in the worlds . I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile, I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style. I wish you couldn't figure me out, but you'de always wanna know what I was about. I wish you'de hold my hand, when I was upset, I wish you'd never forget, the look on my face when we first met. I wish you had a favourite beauty spot that you loved secretly because it  was on a hidden bit that know one else could see..."